i don't want to join your facebook group

One of my managers started a facebook group for a work community I’m in and sent an email telling people to join. I do not want to join. But of course, by not joining - they [work people] will notice. I know it’s not a mandatory thing. I could probably speak to my manager about it and explain why I don’t want to join this group on facebook. She’s an awesome person and totally understanding. And yet, I have a feeling it would only end up with me looking like a complete jerk or a weirdo with something to hide. Which is not really it.

Except, it kinda is. I’m hiding my personal life, kinda. Something people have been doing for ages. I’m guessing that 20 years ago, before the internet, work colleagues never knew their coworker’s favorite movies, number one song, and which bars they were at last weekend. I’d sort of like to maintain the old way for now.

I’ve already removed links to my blogs and hid most of my photos on facebook because of the growing number of work contacts I have on my ‘friends’ list. This limited profile shite that facebook has doesn't really work, in the social sense. I mean, yes- technically, I can hide the stuff. However, people who have your limited profile KNOW that they have the limited version, methinks. And it probably offends them.

One day I’d like to think that my work life and my personal life will be friends. That everything I say here can be heard there. But right now, I’d like to keep them separate. Work people do not need to see my angsty blog posts about dumb boys or the 10 million pictures of graffiti that I’ve accumulated on my flickr. They don't need to know if I got drunk last weekend or had a fight with my parents or stubbed my toe on a closet door.

Really.

Of course, I guess it doesn't make much sense to ask for a facebook exclusion, as I throw all these details of my life on the internet anyways. It’s not like they're hidden in my secret diary or in a box under my bed. But still, I don't know. For my friends, yes - of course they should be able to see my pictures and read my rants. That's part of the reason I document everything- to share it with them; I keep everyone in the loop while documenting our hijinks. I just wish it wasn't so easy for my professional contacts to also be able to see all my internet secrets so easily.

There Will Be Change

Today while planning some dinner dates with girlfriends and checking for flights to London in between a boat load of meetings and review sessions, I realized what a spoiled, self-centered brat I am and how unhappy I am in spite of it all.

I mean, I already knew that I have a good setup in life. Just this weekend I was telling my mother how on the whole, I generally dislike most people as they are apathetic and self-centered. I also acknowledged that I am one of these people I dislike. My mom’s response – not everyone’s like that, and if I’m not happy with who I am – then change.

This of course, made me think of one of my all time most inspirational quotes from Gandhi, “Be the change you wish to see in the world.”

I feel like a few years ago I was on that path, being the change. But in recent years I’ve definitely slipped, slacked off my course. Now a significant amount of my non-work time is spent alone being antisocial, with friends being negative or with family, eating. And my work days are spent in a cubicle of a huge corporation doing work that I am nothing near passionate about.

This is not the path for me.

I’ve been out of college for three years. I’ve just hit the quarter century mark. I’m feeling overly angsty and frustrated with where I am right now, life wise. I expected more out of myself. Growing up I predicted that by the age of 25 I’d be firmly on the path to adulthood. Working at a job I loved or at least ready to go back to school and dive into a career I could be passionate about. Settling into a city I love and surrounded by good friends, family and a significant other. Spending my spare time making a difference and helping others through volunteer work.

Instead, I’m living in three cities, seeing friends or family only once or twice a week and generally not in passionate love with anyone or anything.

It’s unsettling and upsetting. I need to make a change. Lots of changes, actually.

I’m not ready to start a new career search just yet. And logistically, my multi-city life will have to continue for a bit longer. Cupid has yet to shoot his arrow my way and no dates are on the near horizon.

But volunteering, something that used to be one of my favorite activities but has dropped of my life radar in recent years, is something I can definitely control and jump into at this point in my life. I’ve just signed up for a few information sessions and filled out applications for a few non-profits. I need to try some things out, test the waters again. This is my start at fixing things. At finding the right path and getting on track to living the life I want.

I hear you, Gandhi, and as of today I can once again say, “I’m working on it.”

It feels good.

finding art on your street

williamsburg
Originally uploaded by florajasmine

one of my favorite parts about my graffiti photography hobby is when i help other people take a second look at the world around them.

i know my friends are definitely more aware now than they were before about the streets they walk down. they're used to me pointing out little pieces high and low as we walk along in our cities, sometimes they even spot things first and point them out to me.

this weekend, when i was walking around brooklyn, snapping shots of some street art in decay - i occasionally caused a traffic jam while people stopped to look at me and figure out what exactly i was shooting. it was good though, making people stop in the midst of their afternoon errands. as i would walk away from a particularly interesting piece, i saw a few people take time and look at the art as well, pointing out special details or commenting on the subject to their friends.

it makes me happy, seeing other people appreciate street art in their/our/it's element.

why are people jerks to strangers

i hate that every time i start to feel good about humanity, something happens to remind me that people can be real jerks.

yesterday my mom had not one but TWO rude/prejudiced comments thrown at her while in and around my apartment building. my mom who is one of the nicest people i've ever known (and not just cos she gave birth to me) does not deserve anything rude to happen to her.

• she noticed some people coming towards the elevator right as the door was closing so she held the door for them. the older man (with wife and grandchild in tow) told her to go ahead without them. then as the door was closing, my mom heard the man say, "besides, why would she think we'd want to ride the elevator with her." wtf did that guy mean?!?! why wouldn't you want to ride the elevator with a smiling lady? jerk.
• she was waiting to cross the street to the art store across from my building. next to her at the corner was a group of three people speaking in spanish. (which, duh, my mom understands.) in spanish they talked about what they thought my mom was (what ethnicity), critiquing what she was wearing (tshirt and capris ) and whether or not she understood them talking about her. talking about her loudly AS THEY STOOD RIGHT NEXT TO HER. my mom said she ignored them but i told her she should have said, 'si, yo entiendo, groseros.' (or something more scathing as she actually speaks spanish well and i do not.)
  

my mom didn't even mention either of these things to me until late into last night when i brought up the fact that maybe boston isn't so bad as i originally thought it was. maybe it was a nice city with nice people in it. but APPARENTLY NOT. although, i'm guessing in both cases based on location of where i live, these people were not from boston. just jerks from somewhere else on our great globe.

i like me

off of the quote i saw yesterday, "“I am a straight woman, and I am confident about my appearance and happy with my body,” i had a quick chat about it with one of my female cousins. we both can say this affirmation without question, but also we understand that it is not the norm for other girls and women to be so confident in their selves.

we were raised similarly - first born children with amazingly supportive parents with tex-mex family values and moms who came of age in the 60's and 70's. to our parents, as little girls, we were basically the greatest thing since sliced bread. or big red. we've been doted upon all of our lives and only told that we are beautiful, intelligent, fantastic, awesome, etc, etc by all of our family.

of course, my cousin and i have had a few periods where we thought we were too skinny or too fat or something. cos all teenagers do. and when every other chick in your freshman class is freaking out about her body, you start to think something might be wrong with yours as well.

now as an adult, i exercise so that i don't die of a heart attack at age 35. i try to eat healthy cos i'm afraid of high cholesterol and diabetes. i wear high heels and cute dresses cos sometimes i want to be tall and i like feeling extra girly.

on the whole, we're probably two of the most well adjusted, self-loving, 20somethings i know. and i really think it goes back to how we were raised - by borderline overbearing families with never-ending affirmations.

i know all kids aren't raised this way. and it sucks. a number of my girlfriends have whined about bathing suits and body hugging tops and eating ice cream twice in one day, all largely things i barely give a second thought to. there is a problem with our society that causes women to think they're not as great as they could be. it's in advertising and media and elementary school textbooks. lucky for me, i had family that went against this and had a strong enough message repeated to me so often that i was able to tune-out the body-conscious lines i was being fed from all directions and instead was raised to think, hey, i'm pretty a-ok.

i think all little girls, awkward teenage girls, and half-grown 20something women should definitely be made aware of their awesomeness to fight off the still prevalent message that females need to fit into some sort of crazy idealized box. boys are generally raised by society to think they are fine as they are, girls still need to be reminded by people that care about them. it's stupid that the world works this way, in the year 2008, but in fact - it does.

leaving gram's nest?

so today my mom called to say my grandma was upset about my new house in san antonio. she's nervous because it's kind of across town.

since the age of 5 i've lived about 4 miles away from my grandma [minus being away in new england]. she picked my brother and i up from elementary, middle and high schools for the majority of our time there. even since i've moved up north and my brother's started college, we're always in the neighborhood on weekends that we're home. the church we go to is directly across the street from her neighborhood so its a guarantee we'll be nearby on sundays. if we were ever locked out or in need of a ride, grams has always been 5 minutes away.

now me, my mom and bro are packing up and moving west. we're staying in san antonio but definitely switching zipcodes a bit.

i think grams thought our move was partly to get out of the family net [never mind the fact that the majority of time i'm thousands of miles outside the family net]. that was totally not it at all. we just found a nice house that met all the requirements for a great deal.

it's cute and sad that grams was upset about the move. i know she loves us a ton, and this just emphasizes that. but also sad that she thought we were leaving her with our minor move across town. she's worried she'll see us less. oh gram.

[yes. my family is far closer than most other families i know. considering i talk to my brother, parents, cousins, and grandparents on a daily to weekly basis and see everyone at least once a month - we are special.]

stay tuned

i really do mean to write here more frequently, i just keep getting distracted.
there's so much going on in my life right now, and i want to document it all but sometimes i'm just too busy or too tired or too lazy to put it all into words.

i'm buying a house, with my mom, in san antonio.
i'm renting an apartment, with maria, in new york.
i'm working a LOT, at the same place i've been for the past 2.5 years. i never thought i'd stick around this long.
i have so many places i want to travel to, friends i want to visit. but. BUT. now i have two new homes to settle into. i don't want to neglect anything. i feel like every minute is packed and i'm already being torn.
i'm about to hit my quarter-of-a-century mark. i feel like the angst will start to hit me pretty soon. there's already a trickle of impending freak-out.

i guess this is growing up.

business casual has a lot of interpretations

when i decide to wear inappropriate clothing to work and lean heavily on the 'casual' part of business casual i usually am dressed with aims at comfort, as i am today in wide leg khakis and boat shoes. it's as close as i felt like pushing it without actually showing up in sneakers and sweat pants- and getting told to go home.

when certain other people  wear inappropriate work clothes and instead of aims of comfort, they seem to be aiming for a 'clubbing' look. i passed a girl in the hall wearing a silk tank top, tight jeans, and white peep toe heels. yesterday i saw a woman wearing neon pink stilletos that matched her neon pink belt.

like, highlighter pink.

the pink stilletos were cool. but i really like running up and down office stairs in my boat shoes.

so that was my weekend. things i did:

• had a stack of wheat pancakes and met a waitress who gained 68 lbs when she was preggers. (she looks to weigh about 100 now) decided pregnancy might not be for me.
• tried to play with a cat like i would with a dog. he wasn't having it.
• read about a million craigslist apt ads. was sold on apts ranging in rent from 1200 to 5200. dangerous. also found one that looked like a cabana/jungle gym.
• spilled scrambled eggs and water all over maria's futon
  
• went to ad hoc gallery and saw a great show. also saw tags of people i love and people i hate on the street outside.
• convinced maria that it would be ok to live in bushwick. was told we would not be living on knickerbocker no matter how cute the name.
• tried to visit murakami exhibit at BMA but the line was 10 miles long and we didn't have much time. so all i have is a pic of me standing in entrance hall. i.e. i'm lame. whatevs, i'll be back.
• went to concert in park slope. listened to a bunch of old people and thought i was in some sort of pretentious film. also heard maria toot on her clarinet and it was nice. yay mozart.
• went to zanzibar while dressed like a 9 year old in chucks, celtics shirt and a hoodie. all the other girls were dressed cute. good thing i'm ok w/ myself.
  
• used the word 'fance' about a million times. instead of fancy. i think its my new thing.
• ate a giant slice of apple pie around 2am. deliciously dumb idea. got sick about 10 min later.
• ate lunch in central park by myself. worked on my tan. decided i love nyc and want to live there, but def not in manhattan.
• wandered around some shops buying things i don't need. cos i just love to throw money away.
• ate at maison which is like the fake parisian place we ate at in vegas. so its a double fake. was good though.
• saw g.r.l. flick at the moma. cracked up multiple times. also was moved by art. cos i'm weird. made plans to make some stuff for maria's b-day. saw panel. more love for the grl crew. went to after party and dug javelin but didn't dig the smelly hipsters all around.
• fell into bed at 11p, woke up at 530a, took long long train ride into manhattan, ate two krispy kreme donuts, got on acela and am now headed back to boston.

Never a Skinny Minnie

My parents raised me with a pretty good self body image. I was a skinny kid. Then I puberty hit and I moved into dorms with an unlimited meal plan at the age of 16. Obviously, I gained some weight. Freshman 15 hit about 2 years early. I don’t think I’ve ever been fat. Or even ‘chubby’. Maybe for a few months sometime at BC when I hated everything and wanted to be in Texas. But other than that, I’m about the same. Normal.

I know that my body type and appetite will prevent me from ever being one of those skinny-minnie girls. I’d love to have thin thighs and a flat stomach. Who wouldn’t? But yeah. I also like to have ice cream when I feel like it and a few beers on the weekends. Flat stomach they do not make. And I’m okay with this. If I stuck to a diet or actually went outside and ran a few miles on a regular basis, I could probably get closer to the universal ideal. But eh, it’s really not that important to me. I only exercise now on a less-than-regular basis because I’m kind of scared of getting heart disease or diabetes in the future, particularly considering the shite I put into my body on a regular basis, i.e. the ramen I had for dinner.

So yeah. I’m me. I’m short, not fat, and not skinny. 99% of the time I like my body because I own it and I control it.

Only there are some occassions when I kind of wish for something else. Like last night, when I was out at a bar with a few girls from work, who all happen to be a few inches taller than me, have longer and straighter hair than me, and probably weigh a few pounds less.

Yes, confession- I’d like to have longer legs, straighter hair and be skinnier. But sometimes I don’t feel like wearing heels, ironing my hair out, or skipping dessert or fries. And my Tex-Mex genes don’t really lend themselves to statuesque slimness a la Kate Moss. At all. Eva Longoria is probably the skinniest Tex-Mex and I’m pretty sure she never eats and works out 4 hours a day. I, on the other hand, have an appetite and have a regular job to attend to, so her plan’s out for me. I’ll never be like those girls I was jealous of last night.

I do know that I can work out a little bit more often and see pretty good results. I can get muscle definition and feel stronger, I can run farther and feel healthier – when I take control. I’ve had bouts of extreme-healthiness in my life so I know that results are possible. When I get these twinges of jealousy of girls with other body types, it’s sort of like the kick in the butt that I need. I can’t make myself taller or wicked thin, but I can be more fit.

So thanks girls, I’ll be working on that a little harder now… for a while. I’ll aim to frequent the gym more often and will be eating a bit healthier and maybe even wearing heels more often. Because I want to. All the same, stronger or not, I will always be cool with how I look and my hamburger intake. It’s all good.

y'all come back now

I'm South Texas born and raised. I lived there full time until i was 18 and part-time since leaving for college 6.5 years ago. I don't have any real southern accent that people notice. The only Texan thing people catch is that i say y'all. A LOT. Of course, I also now say wicked. A lot.

But yeah, no one in my family really has a big southern drawl. None of my friends either. We just all sound... the same. Like we're from San Antonio or Austin or Houston. Somewhere normal.

In contrast, I work with someone who is North Texas born and raised down there and moved up to Boston last year after college. She has a SUPER country accent.

It seems so weird every time I hear her talk. I expect her to be from like Georgia or Mississippi or some southern place. Not Texas, not my homeland. Because I don't consider Texas 'the South' culturally. Maybe North Texas is part of 'the South' and South Texas is not. In North Texas they talk country and make bad mexican food. blah. North Texas, no me gusta. South Central Texas, me gusta mucho.

Anyways. Just something I was thinking about this afternoon. Random, I know.

just a girl. with some scabs.

my mother has always advised me to pick out my outfits the night before. saves time, saves thinking, etc, etc. sometimes i do this, sometimes i do not. today i checked the weather and obvs know that spring has hit new england. so i think a knee length skirt and some flats will be perfect.

only there's a little problem that has recently come to my attention/been bothering me a bit.

background: i'm a little bit clumsy. and a little bit, shall we say, active for someone my age. flat out, i'm 24 years old and i still climb trees when i feel like it. and i hike, and i do cartwheels, and sometimes i wander around at night without turning on a light. eventually i trip and bump into things. all of these factors result in me having at least one or two bruises and/or cuts somewhere on my body (usually legs) most of the time.

i'm mostly ok with this. i've outgrown the gross habit of picking at my scabs and i heal pretty quickly. and sometimes i get cool scars out of the deal. (i love the thing on my right foot.) but still. they kind of look out of place on my semi-adult legs. and its awkward if someone asks how i got that mark and i say, "climbing into a dusty cave in a park by my house."

which brings me to my current predicament- i want to wear a skirt tomorrow. without the protection of tights or anything to hide the 'real me.' i currently have 2 scratches (1 kinda big) and a bruise 0n my gams. hmm. not so professional. not so adult.

blah. oh well. 'tis me. but maybe i'll try to be a little more careful during the warm months when more skin is shown in the office. maybe.

fiesta shoebox float parade

what i can only assume are confused/worried/loving parents have been furiously googling the words, "fiesta, shoebox, float, parade" and keep ending up at this post from last spring. which, honestly, does not give much detail regarding how to build a miniature fiesta float out of a shoebox. i feel bad about that. you, the googling parents, are probably very confused. so i'm writing this post, one week before the big fiesta kickoff to hopefully help out a few of yall out there furiously googling.

the shoebox fiesta parade a longstanding san antonio tradition. i was in elementary school almost 20 years ago doing the same thing. i guess that for non-native parents now living in san antonio, this is probably a weird phenomenon that the teachers are requesting parent participation in.

basically, all schools have a mini parade. and in this parade instead of the giant trucks bearing flowers or animatronic robots on top of flat bead trucks like in the macy's or rose bowl parades, what san antonian children produce is tissue paper and action figure decorated shoe boxes which they drag on strings through the hallways of the school.

sometimes schools have themes (like make it based on a book u read or a historical period) but usually the parade is straight up 'fiesta' themed and anything colorful or fun goes. supplies for this include a shoebox, construction or tissue paper, and whatever toys your kid feels like gluing to the top of this shoebox (transformers, barbie, spiderman, dinosaurs, etc). they can set up the shoebox to look like a car toting the grand marshall or fiesta princess or you can help your kid fashion a construction paper skyscraper and have spiderman swing off it. whatever.

dinosaur wetlands, mini alamos, rocket ships and knights on horseback - all been done before and totally cool if your kid is into it. basically, make a mini float. (ha! so descriptive!) but you know, make little tissue paper skirt around it, snip some green construction paper for fake grass, fold the bright colored paper to make a few flowers. whatever. its all good.

i wish i had pictures to offer for suggestions, but i don't. oh well. kids are creative. they'll think of something. just make sure they don't cut their f ingers with scissors or burn something with a glue gun.

happy early fiesta, everyone!

i do dress nice on the weekends. usually...

i use fashion (clothing, shoes, bags) as a way calm down when i'm stressed. its weird and superficial but it works for me. whenever i'm freaking out about something serious like work or family or the future of the universe- i take a step back and start to take inventory of my wardrobe, plan outfits, dream up the things i'd love to buy, and re-dress others in my head - and after a few minutes i can usually breath easy again.

anyways.

unfortch, my office is in the 'burbs and i see the same middle-age boring office people everyday and i rarely get excited about dressing for work. most days i throw my hair in a bun, push up my glasses, and wear whatever mildly presentable pants and sweater i can grab each morning.

sometimes, when i wake up more than 30 minutes before i have to be out the door- i spend a little bit of time putting together a cute outfit and maybe even brushing my hair. whenever i actually bother trying to look more than presentable i get compliments. which i appreciate.

but at the same time, ugh. that probs means i look like a complete disaster 90% of the time i'm in the office. whoops.

anyways. today i kinda tried (cos i'm flying home this afternoon and it really throws my parents off when i look nice). and i totally got compliments on my springy flower printed peep-toe heels i found for $20 and the $6 pair of wide leg khakis i found in a clearance rack last time i was home. (we don't need to talk about how much my sweater cost. too much. sometimes i splurge.) yeah, i'm a super bargain shopper. if only i wasn't so lazy as to be a super dresser on such rare occassions. blah.

Why I Suck, Where I'm Ignorant

So I'm pretty sure I've never been in love. I'm getting too old for this. I know people that have been in love 2 or 3 times by my age. (Some of them might be confused and or lying) But even so, I do believe that most people I know have been in love at least once.

Me? Never. I've crushed and lusted after a long list of boys and men. But never anything all consuming and long lasting. Sometimes I think I might be an asexual robot, but no. I do have extreme love for my family and friends, I've just yet to meet the person who will tap into my romantic love pot. I'm assuming one day this will happen.

But in the meantime, I still am a blank slate with only the purest, analytical understandings of true love. And when people come to me with their stories and problems dealing with their OTL (one true love) I have problems understanding and sympathizing. I give lots of great relationship advice that makes perfect sense to me. They're a jerkface? Drop them. They're far away? Move there, deal with it, or drop them. They love someone else that's not you? Screw that, drop them and find someone to love you and then love them. In like with someone that loves you? Drop them, you won't grow to love them.

Eh. My advice is probably skewed and lacking in complete romantic OTL sensibility. I'm far too logical, black and white, yes or no with regards to OTLs and how to deal with the inevitable, numerous situations and problems that arise. These answers all make perfect sense to me and yet I'm learning that people in actual deep true love really can't function this way. It's not all black and white and yes or no.

Well, damn.

Sorry folks.

I know how or can figure out how to get around any major city within 2 hours.

I can find almost any random fact on the internet regarding just about anything.

I am not scared of anything in real life except actual murderers and rollercoasters.

I can offer advice on what camera to buy, what websites to use, what book to read, which fund to invest in, what music to listen to, and what shoes would go great with that outfit.

But helping you out with dealing with all the drama around your OTL, your pain and heartache and infinite longing. Um. I'm probably not the best resource. I have no experience here. It's not something you can read a book about or google on the internet. I think its completely and deeply personal. And I've never felt it, so I don't know how to help. I'm blank here. I can offer ancedotes and dumb jokes, but I think that's it for right now.

I'm sorry.

Maybe this is the area where I really need someone to help me. It's something I definitely cannot figure out on my own. I've tried.

musings of a singleton

I want a guy to go with me to an indie rock concert not only because he likes me, but also because he loves the band. I need a boy who likes hiking and laying in the grass. The perfect guy will be the one to ask me to go to basketball games and art shows and hip-hop clubs because they’re his thing and he knows I’ll enjoy it. I want a boy who reccomends good books to read and appreciates the lit I can throw in his direction.

I think its mildly easy to find a boyfriend who will accompany you to events and tolerate the things you like, even feigning interest by asking questions from time to time. But I don’t want someone to tolerate my interests, I need someone who shares them. We don’t need to be twins and love all the same things. But in my dream relationship we’d have a lot of overlap.

There's a lot more thought behind this post, but I'll just give you this for now… and I'll add links later.

I'm one of the pickiest people alive when it comes to finding a mate. And yet, the ones I pick for myself seem to be the worst. Whatever. I like writing out all the criteria I'm looking for in a man, as if it's a checklist I can use on my next night out. Oh, if only it was all so easy as filling out a form and having the perfect man be returned to you on a plate. Alas, the world does not yet have that technology. Actually, match.com probably has the process locked down, its just the narrowness of my search that is preventing this from actually working. That and my individual weirdness which would prevent me from matching someone, per se. Probs, since I haven't tried match, I'm guessing here...

So, with regards to my various 'man requirement' lists, height, personality, and of course- always important to me – interests are included. Looks are never high on my list because I have weird taste and it varies so much (black/white/brown – skinny/normal/fit – rocker/baller/nerd, etc). Basically the only standard aspect of looks is moderately tall (5'10" +), not overly muscular, more thin than fat, and not ugly. And my definition of ugly is probably different than other people's.

So anyways, on to today's list. These are all things that I myself love and think are interesting/attractive/awesome enough that any decent man should also love. -->

My ideal guy must like at least 15 of the following 20 things:

1. Amelie or Trainspotting (overplayed flicks I love)
2. Basketball (watch or play)
3. Good Beer (i.e. not budlight)
4. Converse or Vans (canvas sneaks)
5. Dude Ranch or Dookie or Morning Glory (influential albums from my youth)
6. English Humor (it's particular)
7. Gandhi (from India or clone high)
8. Graffiti (aka Streetart)
9. Interpol (wardrobe and their beats)
10. Jean-Paul Sartre (philosophy killa)
11. Kanye West (persona and his raps)
12. Lion King (circle of life)
13. Mother Teresa (if you don't, you're evil)
14. Meat (like, from cows)
15. Michael Jackson (he is the king of pop)
16. Nick Hornby or Dave Eggers (their books)
17. Ray Charles (the man, the myth, the legend)
18. Signs or Boondock Saints (religious flicks)
19. Stand by me or The Sandlot (band of bros movies)
20. Tamales or Big Red (tex-mex goodness)

"the game"

the other night, before i passed out at like 930, i was clicking through the telly and happened upon this whack show that i've seen before called the game. its basically about american football W.A.G.s (wives and girlfriends) .in the 5 min i saw this episode, the blonde chick from sweetvalleyhigh told her hubby (hot guy from some cop show) that she married him for his money and then stayed with him for years cos she felt bad about it.

it was one of the meanest things ever, on this dumb sitcom show. the hot hubby stormed out of the room and i promptly got disinterested and fell asleep.

unfortch, i totally know couples who are like this. 'the game' isnt really the football bit, its all the stupid relationship bits. it happens to obscenely (and even moderately) rich/famous boys and girls all the time. people attach themselves out of self-interest rather than something legitimate like love and attraction. of course the rich kids aren't always completely oblivious in this game. often they pick their counterparts based on some other superficial thing like looks or connections.

so its a wagering balance, this game. i bring this to the table and you bring that. hmmm.

i don't like that game. i don't ever want to play that way. i want to play the true love game. ah, yes- ever the romantic.

p.s. kelsey grammer is the exec producer on this show. random. but props dude. for making me think real deep for about 15 min.

whoops

I went over to my aunt's house last night with my mom. One of my younger cousin was passed out on the couch and grunted a hello before rolling over into a pillow.

After playing 'fashion show' for a bit with my aunt, I realized the evening was going to take a decidedly middle-age mommy turn. Which is, obviously, not really my scene. So while my mom sat in the kitchen with two of my aunts chatting about what i can only assume to be mommy type stuff, I wandered off to the den and plopped down next to my cousin. Slipping in and out of that comfortable nap/tv-mode that usually only occurs when you're an angsty teenager (or me), we watched South Park or something. We probably only spoke about 10 sentences the whole night. After getting a few calls, eventually he rolled off the couch, got dressed and went out to dinner with his friends.

A [long] while later the mommys were done chatting and someone poked me (I was still sprawled on the couch, by this point curled up in a wool blanket) and told me to wake up. While walking out the front door i noticed a giant birthday balloon by the front door. Giant. Like 2 feet across.

Oh yeah. My baby cousin had just turned 18 last Saturday. Which i remembered last Thursday (partially due to fb reminders)- and then forgot about... until i saw the balloon.

I'm such a bad cousin.

(but. he is recovering from pink eye. so i'm thinking if he gave me pinkeye last night, i have nothing to be sorry about. and actually i can be very mad at him.)

----

I always think its interesting and sad that I slip so easily into angsty teenager habits when I'm home for more than 2 days. I sleep a lot, I crave weird food at random times. I graze the fridge. Basically, being at home makes me too comfortable and all my icky habits rise to the surface, I think.

i feel bad

cos i haven't written here in ages. my blogspot is looking so abandoned and dusty. it's just that my new digs are so convenient/easy/quick. and i'm so busy/short-attention-spanned/lame.

excuses, excuses.

i do actually have tons of things i want to take some quality time to write about. to wax on about for paragraphs and paragraphs like the self-indulgent fool that i am.

only. i am, 'le tired.'

deadline for myself: 2 new posts a week. substantial content. starting NOW.

in preparation

tomorrow is mardis gras. lent starts on wednesday. ash wednesday. i'll need to make it to a church sometime.

this year i think i'm going to abstain from beer and soda. i'm also trying to think of some sort of reflective obligation to give myself for the duration of lent... but i haven't decided on on yet. so for now, the plan is to skip out on the carbonated fat-makers in my life for at least 40 days.

i don't really drink soda much anymore. so that won't be so hard. however beer is all around me when i'm out having fun, so this one will be a bit tougher. which is good. that's the point isn't it? to actually sacrifice something. good.

art appreciation

while hanging out with my grandma this evening, we spent some time talking about how she would like to write more. she used to send letters to her friends and family on a pretty often basis and it's dropped off lately. i remember the fun in recieving letters from her when i was away at school. sometimes they were in english, sometimes in spanish- always in perfect script and fun to recieve and read through.

as we were looking through her box of stationary, i came across a set of notecards with a degas on the front.


i love degas. i've spent hours in various museums just soaking up his stuff. he told stories through his paintings and sculptures.

i think lately, i haven't been giving as much attention to classic works as i have to modern and street art. i havent been to mfa or the met or even san antonio's mcnay in ages. i have been to moma and a slew of art galleries featuring modern pieces and photography pretty often in recent years. and obviously, i spend a bit of time wandering the streets shooting graffiti and other street art. i have not been balanced in my dedication to and appreciation of the arts of late. i've been heavy in recent stuff and lacking in the classics.

ellen and i have a date to visit boston's ICA this coming week. which should be awesome, since i have never been. but also i think i'll need to make some other dates for myself to revisit old favorites. study a little bit. expand my art appreciation scope.

if i really am serious about maybe, possibly, hopefully pursuing some sort of career in the arts arena- i definitely need to study so much more. i'd like to be well rounded, not hyper focused in one area. ha. eventually. maybe this will lead somewhere. i hope.

grandparents

grandparents
Originally uploaded by florajasmine

here's a picture of my mom's parents in front of their house in jourdanton, texas.

my grandpa built that house in the late 40s or early 50s. my aunt and uncle live there today. they have a new fence. and i don't think it's seen snow since about 1986.

my mom looks so much like my grandmother, its freaky.

story: my mom and dad started dating in 73 or 74. something like that. my mom was around 20 years old.

after they'd been dating for a while, my dad invited my mom over to his house (where he lived with his parents and siblings) here in san antonio. his dad was already sick at the time and mostly bedridden.

when my mom entered the bedroom to meet my paternal grandfather, he called out the name florinda. florinda happened to be my mom's mother's name.

that's when the strange its-a-small-world story came out. apparently sometime 'back in the day' in mexico, my paternal grandfather had met my maternal grandmother at a town dance. or something. he thought she was cute.

and then time passed and my dad thought my mom was cute and they got married and had me.

so apparently, similar taste in women totally runs in the family. haha. gross.

oh the drama

i'm working from a starbucks in the middle of old-money-ladies-who-lunch-land in san antonio. it's also adjacent to a small catholic university that rich kids go to.

eavesdropping on these convos is so funny:

• when i came in a bleach blonde woman and her plastic friend were discussing her upcoming vacation to miami. they're staying at the biltmore and the friend was saying how she always prefers the ritz because its closer to shopping. um. when i go to miami i just want to roast in the sun. but thats just me.
  
• one boy was studying his organic chemistry (and staring out the window) when he ran into a girl from his class and they discussed their grades and studying techniques and the professors test style. it reminded me of a tams discussion that might have occurred for me 7 or 8 (!) years ago. made me feel old.
• now three women are gathered at a booth in the corner and are planning a gala for something. one woman was on the phone lecturing/counseling someone about the actions of her irresponsible daughter. another one is organizing her family's attendance at a wake later this evening. the third just arrived and is stirring sugar into her coffee. they're all dressed in cashmere cable knits, pressed oxfords, pearls and smart pumas or loafers. their wedding rings are HUGE. the big topic of conversation is the width of ribbon for something. its so foreign.

i need to focus on my own work/life. instead of listening in on others...

where are you from?

totally on repeat this week

sam sparro - black & gold
hot chip - boy from school
hot chip - shake a fist
adele - cold shoulder
jens lekman - i'm leaving you...
vampire weekend - boston
feist - i feel it all

the jens song is like opposite sentiment of vampire weekend and feist. but i love them all. opposite of hallelujah. hehe.

and for non-indie, more radio/bar/club friendly - i'm loving kanye's flashlight song. as well as the one that talks about applebottom jeans and boots with the fur. haha. yeah. singing along to that one is fun/funny.

keeping the dream alive

Days On: "Equal rights cannot be taken for granted, either personally or collectively as a Firm."

random company letter. funny.

----

yeah. i have to work on mlk day too. my company doesn't give us the day, for sure.

last year i took a personal day off and spent most of it wandering around nyc with my old roomate kirstin (who i have not heard from in months... hmm) and i remember i met up with my seo pal, lily, who wasn't sure if she had the day off or not but was out playing anyways. it was a good day. wasn't particularly inspiring of me and i don't think i did anything in commemoration of king's achievements. but it was still a great day exploring one of my favorite cities.

this year i came to work, tired and cold. i think on this mlk day i'll probably stay home to continue my recovery from the weekend. i'm hoping to catch 'killer of sheep' on the tele. 3 weeks into the new year, it also seems like a good reflection and look ahead time. might try some introspection tonight as well.

---

i know. craziness. i lead such an exciting life. movies and silent thinking! woohoo!

---

ha. too much partying this weekend. i really need to quiet down for a bit. partying to resume... tomorrow, perhaps. :p

growing up with family

it's funny how when i was little my cousin valerie was 'so old!' to me. she was like my big sister when i lived out in the country.

she came up to visit boston this weekend and we had big kid convo's together. we had nice dinners and boozy drinks. the 6 year age difference is so not an issue like it was when i was in kindergarten and she was a big 5th grader.

and of course, we still love 1988 nkotb. everyone can blame my bad music taste on her. she was very influential in the development of my jordan knight love.

im a nerd, reasons #98234 and #82347

i'm trying to get my company to let me go to a nerd conference in march. i can get into the conference for free (cos i'm a smart nerd) but i'd prefer not to use vacation days to attend. so i'm going to see if it can count as 'training' of some sort.

if it works out it will be tremendously!! awesome. and i will be a nerd princess.

---

also. my morning started off just right when my favorite coworker/exroomie called to let me know that tourfilter had sent out an mxpx alert overnight. they're coming to the bean!!!

mxpx? you say. from when we were 12? you say. YES. MxPx baby! we know i love all things middleschool. and i LOVE MIKE. and MXPX.

its an all ages show w/ yellowcard. i think there will be 20million babies there. and ellen and i. it will be awesome. i told ellen that we should make signs. 'TAKE ME TO BREMERTON' or something to that effect. haha.

its on the last night of sxsw tho. i'm conflicted. but its MXPX!!!

ugh. i love my teenage drama filled life. its so sad and so comical, all at once.

----

also. i LOVE tourfilter.com for telling me things. even if i cant go to all the concerts i want to (hotchips-soldout, jenslekman-suisse) its still nice to see the info in my inbox. shoutout to tourfilter!

fitness plan

sometimes i crack myself up.

my diet and exercise plan for tonight included a dinner of grilled cheese and turkey sandwich and a glass of red wine followed by some bicycling and making fun of american idol tryouts. closed it out with some free weights and heavy breathing. and about a gallon of water.

haha.

my attempts at being 'healthy' are funny. mostly i go to the gym in hopes that all the things i ingest like beer and grilled cheese don't kill me before the age of 30. i don't know if its working. i think i should get a physical sometime... make sure things are all clear in spite of the shite i put in my body on a daily basis...

or not.

dang ufos chasing the cows again

Texans report seeing UFO - CNN.com

i love when national media publish silly, outlandish news stories purposely making texans seem like bible-crazed, farm-hick crazies.

of course, direct quotes like this don't help the case, "People wonder what in the world it is because this is the Bible Belt, and everyone is afraid it's the end of times," said Steve Allen, a freight company owner and pilot who said the object he saw last week was a mile long and half a mile wide. "It was positively, absolutely nothing from these parts."

(its better when you read the quote with a country accent)

so, yeah yeah. ok, ok. texas does have more than a few crazy country folk. and they've been seeing some ufos...

-----

btw, i'm back in boston, safe from the ufos for now. just wary of potential blizzards, etc.

that is all.

la-la-la-la- linkedin

people keep telling me i should spend more time developing my professional network and making use of tools like linkedin, rather than spending my time playing around with photos of street art and harassing my roomates on facebook. as if there were more important things to do on the internet than finding new music or reading the latest celebrity news. pshh.

anyways.

in response to the nagging, i've recently gone on a few linkedin contact frenzies and added people as my 'contacts'. today, when confirming that in fact i do work with this dude (who is also my fb friend, so like, totally legit- HA.) the little, "people you may know" part of the screen on the side (which usually has random people that i've never heard of working for companies that sound boring) today had the founder of one of my favorite music blogs. though i dont actually know this person at all and have never communicated with him outside of leaving random comments on his blog, my finger was really itching to add him as a contact. just because. because he has a blog i like and i appreciate his taste in music...


only i had to remember. this is 'professional' networking. not like myspace. i dont think, "hey-love the blog!" is a legit reason to add people here. if we were on myspace we'd totally be friends by now and i would have sent him one of those blinking comment things that say, 'thanks for the add!!!!!'.

ha. yeah right. as if i even knew how to make one of those blinky myspace comment things. pshh. i'm too old for that. i freaking hate all the blinking and sparkly stuff on myspace- makes me want to poke my eyes out. thats why maybe linkedin is my scene now...

so old.

forethought

when packing to come down this weekend i tried to be as compact as possible. only bringing the things i would really need and then leaving most of my 'stuff' back at the apartment in boston.

i did bring both of my cameras, but only one memory card in each and no cords to connect them up and download my shots.

now i've been wandering around south texas for three days and i have tons of cool stuff on my cameras, and yet- no way to get it off the tiny camera screen and onto my comp and the internet. dang it.

i really would like to get a better view of how all these shots turned out, the mini camera screen really does not cut it. and cameraphone to flickr shots are kinda poopy.

---

i was bored tonight and my mom was asleep and my dad was watching something boring so i wandered off and was watching tele alone. i landed on mtv and it was the last ep of the real world sydney. these people are so stupid. seriously, wtf. out of the eps this season i did watch, my favorite person was the shaved head guy who took lsd and saw imaginary birds. the rest of the people were shite.

interesting part tho was the commercials. since mtv is now targeting like 14-20 year olds or something, i guess they have more leverage to play around with new types of marketing and advertising. and since i'm a huge marketing nerd, i have to watch from time to time and analyze what's going on. i like to check out what the latest ad agencies are throwing at those impressionable young markets.

(of course, if i actually had one of my dream jobs, i would be the one involved in leading these marketing changes - instead of playing monday morning quarterback and trying to figure them out once they've already hit the air. anyways.)

so yeah. earlier in the week while watching rob & big (LOVE that show.) i noticed the massive kate nashyness of commercials. like beyond just little peeks at her music videos, she was actually part of mtv commercials for other mtv shows... and stuff. it was confusing. like, why is kate advertising a real world show? is she like a vj now or something...

then today, during stupid RW, there was another kate commercial where she was singing in central park or something, and then it flashed into a cloverfield trailer, and then the screen sort of tiled off and half the tiles were kate singing in the park and half were people screaming and buildings burning from cloverfield. ok, that might have been a bad description, but basically there were two commercials playing at once - one for the girly brit singer and one for a totally unrelated horror film.

then, during a later commercial break (cos i sat watching stupid RW for multiple commercial breaks without moving) i saw another double commercial. this time they combined a trailer for that jumper movie along with one of those HP commercials feat. serena williams. it started out as a jumper commercial, then the jumper dude was overlaid into the standard HP commercial, then it went back to being a jumper commercial. kinda interesting...

so this whole combined marketing thing. two seemingly dissimilar products/artists being sold simultaneously and yet separately. interesting, mr.mtv, very interesting...

i wonder if this is going on in other places as well... and i just haven't noticed... it may be that i haven't been watching enough tele lately...

hmm... sometimes i'd be really cool to work for the man. or at least do cool stuff like that... i need to change my job to fit my interests... i think.
---

so. i'm supposed to go back to boston tomorrow but there is going to be a blizzard or something so that may not be happening. so maybe i wont get back to boston until tuesday. i hope its not a horrid airport adventure, whichever day it is...

shake a fist

and your booty.

i'm so loving electro-pop right now. outside of my girlie flush of music, i am constantly listening to these techno-tinged beats. never thought it'd be my thing - but guys like these SO are it...

a few notes

random collection of thoughts from my current life:

• yay. mccain won NH. he's been my man since the start. my only fear is that he picks a bad VP running mate. b/c hes really old and could possibly die, the VP needs to be equally super- just in case.
• on all the 'presidential candidate match' quizzes, mccain is my number1 or number2 pick. usually the rest of my matches are democrats ranging from leaders hillary and barack to dropouts biden and kucinich. hmm... largely, like most people - i dont like the candidates being offered... so eh. election2008 - poop.
  
• it's a kate nash fiesta on mtv. which is awesome cos i love her. yellow eyeshadow, not so much. her cd came out in the US yesterday so i think i'm going to buy it today.
• headed south tomorrow to soak up some texas sun. it's been less than 2 wks but still feels like its been a while. i now hate going to the airport b/c i never know how long i'll be there.
  
• sometimes i feel nerdy when i use different websites and notice some feature of their system and think about how it was probably designed. like, wtf did this random (yet very basic) tech knowledge come from? oh yeah... my job.
• getting praised by people, both at work and at home, makes me happy and appreciated. and this kinda annoys me.
• the fact that i enjoy and yet am self-conscious by my own satisfaction with praise probably means i'm messed up some how. no surprise there. i should be psycho-analyzed, for this and many other reasons...

these boots are made for walking

so. finally locked in my travel plans for coming weeks/months.

jan 10-14: san antonio, tx

feb 8-10: las vegas, nv

mar 29- apr 6: geneva, switzerland

yay. i'm excited.

other than those things... i'll prob be mostly in boston, w/ of course more than a couple additional trips down to tx (fam, easter and sxsw). and hopefully a sprint out to D.C. as well...

fun.

hmmm...

made me laugh
Originally uploaded by florajasmine

it's weird when u know its 37deg, but stepping outside is kind of refreshing and not frigid. this only happens b/c its been single digits and artic here all week long.

i like spending the afternoon wandering around the city on my own. i guess that's what boston and nyc still have on my beloved south texas. there are areas of san antonio or austin where you can wander around walking for a bit, taking in people, buildings and sights. but for me, it doesnt compare to wandering around these yankee cities for hours on a sunny afternoon. the streets are endless and all connect in interesting places, yet public transit and cabs are always near if you get bored or tired. i love it. even when its kinda chilly out, i wander.

found this sticker on my way home today. part of some tbd marketing thing, probably. still funny.

anyways, i'm confused. about stuff. big and little.

watching the debates right now, and thats a piece of my confusion. i'm def confused as to who i'm giving my one little vote to. hmm. i wish i could do negative voting instead. more useful, i bet.

ugh, i'm so not looking forward to 10 months of freaking political commercials all over my telly. gross.

the internet you

Putting Your Best Cyberface Forward - New York Times

hmm.

stand in the place where you live

i woke up and turned on the tele to hear the morning news was that two people i will not be voting for won the dem and repub iowa caucus which was quickly followed by helicopter shots of britney spears being loaded into an ambulance in her driveway.

breaking news. hmm. i guess the presidential stuff is nationally important, i just dont agree with the outcome. and the britney stuff is usual celebrity junk.

maybe its just the 'first thing in the morning' part of it that had me annoyed.

maybe i should not watch morning shows.

whatever.

and just like that

we're in the year two thousand and eight.


this is what i looked like as the year began. notice how a bit missed my mouth. freaking drunk girl.


watching the fireworks out the window.

nye was a good time. a bit of last minute madness and scrambling but my friendies pulled together and i think we all had a pretty good time. obvs i did. i make all things fun. and considering half of the people in attendance have been my roomates in the past 5 years, they make things fun too.

woke up to find my living room in dissarray but kel and i cleaned it up a bit before being subjected to a delayed icky hangover that left me passed out on the couch for the afternoon.

----

so. let's make it great in oh eight.

heh. lots of things rhyme w/ eight. i bet i could come up w/ a really cheesy motto for the year. i'm good at cheesy marketing schemes. its a sick, sad talent.

2008, the year to start playing it straight.

racing out of the gate in 0-8.


i could go on forever. it's sad. instead i'm going to go hang out alone in the dark and listen to pretty music.

happy new year, everyone.