eastertide

tomorrow's easter. pretty much the most important holiday for christians. the resurrection is core to our faith and tomorrow's celebration of jesus rising from the dead his ascension into heaven makes our holy trinity complete.

(does it seem weird that i wander from talking about snow and concerts on previous posts into a sudden religious rant? trust me. this one's more important to who i am.)

tomorrow i plan on going to an early mass and then in the evening going over to a friend's house for easter dinner. at this easter there may be 2 or 3 or even 4 christians. then some jews, agnostics and atheists thrown in to the mix. kind of different from what i'm used to.

it's weird this year. it's the first time i haven't been able to go home for easter. and the first time i really feel 'out in the world' so to speak. at home in san antonio, a big percentage of people are christian. same for tams. and bc, obviously, a catholic school. even last year i had one catholic roommate. i've always sort of been surrounded by people with beliefs similar to my own.

now i live in a house where i'm the only christian. and it's not like i'm a catholic fanatic. i'm not even a very good, by-the-book type catholic. but i do have beliefs and faith and an allegiance to the catholic church. yet now i'm the odd man out it seems, at work and at home and with friends. kind of a different place for me. it's awkward having people make derogatory comments about things i believe in, my faith. and i know they aren't saying these things as personal attacks on me and they might not even see them as derogatory. they really just don't understand, don't believe, or don't agree with things i have strong faith in.

and it's uncomfortable cos i don't like to just listen to these things without arguing back, defending and explaining my position and faith. also i don't really believe 'defending' my faith should ever be neccessary. i think people believe or they don't, i shouldn't have to convince them to agree with something i find so definite and true, just hope that they find it on their own. and besides, i feel like most times they don't want to hear the other side and it can really turn a social situation awkward by talking about my belief in the resurrection and why easter is so important and so real and how the communion at church really is the body of christ, without sounding like a lunatic or a cannibal. so instead now i just keep quiet, roll my eyes, or leave the room. i don't want to 'convert' all these people to my side of things. and i don't want to live in a world where everyone believes the exact same thing. i appreciate the diversity of life and the people around me.

just sometimes, i like being in a place where i don't feel defensive about my faith. i know it's good to question things so as to learn more and grow. but sometimes i like to sit and be enveloped in common faith. at bc and home it was great because if i didn't feel like being questioned or pushed, there are always people who are more knowledgeable and more faithful right next to me, able to help out and 'show the way.' i feel like in my immediate life situation, locally more than emotionally, i am the person with the strongest faith. and it's a heavy burden. i guess that's what they're always talking about in the bible tho. bearing that mark of faith is a challenge and it/i will only come out stronger.

/end rant

so yes. tomorrow church and food and friends but no family which sucks.

BUT.

in two weeks i will be home in dear south texas. it's spring and fiesta in san antonio. i really hope the bluebonnets will still be out. i'm so excited to spend time with my parents and baby brother. i want to go to oysterbake, a parade or two, and niosa. i want to eat bean and cheese tacos and shrimp fajitas and all the paletas i can find. i plan on hiking and shopping and walking and just sitting with people i love in the sun or in the a/c. a late spring break to spend some time with the fam. SO excited, i can't wait. 13 more days. :)