Never a Skinny Minnie

My parents raised me with a pretty good self body image. I was a skinny kid. Then I puberty hit and I moved into dorms with an unlimited meal plan at the age of 16. Obviously, I gained some weight. Freshman 15 hit about 2 years early. I don’t think I’ve ever been fat. Or even ‘chubby’. Maybe for a few months sometime at BC when I hated everything and wanted to be in Texas. But other than that, I’m about the same. Normal.

I know that my body type and appetite will prevent me from ever being one of those skinny-minnie girls. I’d love to have thin thighs and a flat stomach. Who wouldn’t? But yeah. I also like to have ice cream when I feel like it and a few beers on the weekends. Flat stomach they do not make. And I’m okay with this. If I stuck to a diet or actually went outside and ran a few miles on a regular basis, I could probably get closer to the universal ideal. But eh, it’s really not that important to me. I only exercise now on a less-than-regular basis because I’m kind of scared of getting heart disease or diabetes in the future, particularly considering the shite I put into my body on a regular basis, i.e. the ramen I had for dinner.

So yeah. I’m me. I’m short, not fat, and not skinny. 99% of the time I like my body because I own it and I control it.

Only there are some occassions when I kind of wish for something else. Like last night, when I was out at a bar with a few girls from work, who all happen to be a few inches taller than me, have longer and straighter hair than me, and probably weigh a few pounds less.

Yes, confession- I’d like to have longer legs, straighter hair and be skinnier. But sometimes I don’t feel like wearing heels, ironing my hair out, or skipping dessert or fries. And my Tex-Mex genes don’t really lend themselves to statuesque slimness a la Kate Moss. At all. Eva Longoria is probably the skinniest Tex-Mex and I’m pretty sure she never eats and works out 4 hours a day. I, on the other hand, have an appetite and have a regular job to attend to, so her plan’s out for me. I’ll never be like those girls I was jealous of last night.

I do know that I can work out a little bit more often and see pretty good results. I can get muscle definition and feel stronger, I can run farther and feel healthier – when I take control. I’ve had bouts of extreme-healthiness in my life so I know that results are possible. When I get these twinges of jealousy of girls with other body types, it’s sort of like the kick in the butt that I need. I can’t make myself taller or wicked thin, but I can be more fit.

So thanks girls, I’ll be working on that a little harder now… for a while. I’ll aim to frequent the gym more often and will be eating a bit healthier and maybe even wearing heels more often. Because I want to. All the same, stronger or not, I will always be cool with how I look and my hamburger intake. It’s all good.

y'all come back now

I'm South Texas born and raised. I lived there full time until i was 18 and part-time since leaving for college 6.5 years ago. I don't have any real southern accent that people notice. The only Texan thing people catch is that i say y'all. A LOT. Of course, I also now say wicked. A lot.

But yeah, no one in my family really has a big southern drawl. None of my friends either. We just all sound... the same. Like we're from San Antonio or Austin or Houston. Somewhere normal.

In contrast, I work with someone who is North Texas born and raised down there and moved up to Boston last year after college. She has a SUPER country accent.

It seems so weird every time I hear her talk. I expect her to be from like Georgia or Mississippi or some southern place. Not Texas, not my homeland. Because I don't consider Texas 'the South' culturally. Maybe North Texas is part of 'the South' and South Texas is not. In North Texas they talk country and make bad mexican food. blah. North Texas, no me gusta. South Central Texas, me gusta mucho.

Anyways. Just something I was thinking about this afternoon. Random, I know.

just a girl. with some scabs.

my mother has always advised me to pick out my outfits the night before. saves time, saves thinking, etc, etc. sometimes i do this, sometimes i do not. today i checked the weather and obvs know that spring has hit new england. so i think a knee length skirt and some flats will be perfect.

only there's a little problem that has recently come to my attention/been bothering me a bit.

background: i'm a little bit clumsy. and a little bit, shall we say, active for someone my age. flat out, i'm 24 years old and i still climb trees when i feel like it. and i hike, and i do cartwheels, and sometimes i wander around at night without turning on a light. eventually i trip and bump into things. all of these factors result in me having at least one or two bruises and/or cuts somewhere on my body (usually legs) most of the time.

i'm mostly ok with this. i've outgrown the gross habit of picking at my scabs and i heal pretty quickly. and sometimes i get cool scars out of the deal. (i love the thing on my right foot.) but still. they kind of look out of place on my semi-adult legs. and its awkward if someone asks how i got that mark and i say, "climbing into a dusty cave in a park by my house."

which brings me to my current predicament- i want to wear a skirt tomorrow. without the protection of tights or anything to hide the 'real me.' i currently have 2 scratches (1 kinda big) and a bruise 0n my gams. hmm. not so professional. not so adult.

blah. oh well. 'tis me. but maybe i'll try to be a little more careful during the warm months when more skin is shown in the office. maybe.

fiesta shoebox float parade

what i can only assume are confused/worried/loving parents have been furiously googling the words, "fiesta, shoebox, float, parade" and keep ending up at this post from last spring. which, honestly, does not give much detail regarding how to build a miniature fiesta float out of a shoebox. i feel bad about that. you, the googling parents, are probably very confused. so i'm writing this post, one week before the big fiesta kickoff to hopefully help out a few of yall out there furiously googling.

the shoebox fiesta parade a longstanding san antonio tradition. i was in elementary school almost 20 years ago doing the same thing. i guess that for non-native parents now living in san antonio, this is probably a weird phenomenon that the teachers are requesting parent participation in.

basically, all schools have a mini parade. and in this parade instead of the giant trucks bearing flowers or animatronic robots on top of flat bead trucks like in the macy's or rose bowl parades, what san antonian children produce is tissue paper and action figure decorated shoe boxes which they drag on strings through the hallways of the school.

sometimes schools have themes (like make it based on a book u read or a historical period) but usually the parade is straight up 'fiesta' themed and anything colorful or fun goes. supplies for this include a shoebox, construction or tissue paper, and whatever toys your kid feels like gluing to the top of this shoebox (transformers, barbie, spiderman, dinosaurs, etc). they can set up the shoebox to look like a car toting the grand marshall or fiesta princess or you can help your kid fashion a construction paper skyscraper and have spiderman swing off it. whatever.

dinosaur wetlands, mini alamos, rocket ships and knights on horseback - all been done before and totally cool if your kid is into it. basically, make a mini float. (ha! so descriptive!) but you know, make little tissue paper skirt around it, snip some green construction paper for fake grass, fold the bright colored paper to make a few flowers. whatever. its all good.

i wish i had pictures to offer for suggestions, but i don't. oh well. kids are creative. they'll think of something. just make sure they don't cut their f ingers with scissors or burn something with a glue gun.

happy early fiesta, everyone!

i do dress nice on the weekends. usually...

i use fashion (clothing, shoes, bags) as a way calm down when i'm stressed. its weird and superficial but it works for me. whenever i'm freaking out about something serious like work or family or the future of the universe- i take a step back and start to take inventory of my wardrobe, plan outfits, dream up the things i'd love to buy, and re-dress others in my head - and after a few minutes i can usually breath easy again.

anyways.

unfortch, my office is in the 'burbs and i see the same middle-age boring office people everyday and i rarely get excited about dressing for work. most days i throw my hair in a bun, push up my glasses, and wear whatever mildly presentable pants and sweater i can grab each morning.

sometimes, when i wake up more than 30 minutes before i have to be out the door- i spend a little bit of time putting together a cute outfit and maybe even brushing my hair. whenever i actually bother trying to look more than presentable i get compliments. which i appreciate.

but at the same time, ugh. that probs means i look like a complete disaster 90% of the time i'm in the office. whoops.

anyways. today i kinda tried (cos i'm flying home this afternoon and it really throws my parents off when i look nice). and i totally got compliments on my springy flower printed peep-toe heels i found for $20 and the $6 pair of wide leg khakis i found in a clearance rack last time i was home. (we don't need to talk about how much my sweater cost. too much. sometimes i splurge.) yeah, i'm a super bargain shopper. if only i wasn't so lazy as to be a super dresser on such rare occassions. blah.

Why I Suck, Where I'm Ignorant

So I'm pretty sure I've never been in love. I'm getting too old for this. I know people that have been in love 2 or 3 times by my age. (Some of them might be confused and or lying) But even so, I do believe that most people I know have been in love at least once.

Me? Never. I've crushed and lusted after a long list of boys and men. But never anything all consuming and long lasting. Sometimes I think I might be an asexual robot, but no. I do have extreme love for my family and friends, I've just yet to meet the person who will tap into my romantic love pot. I'm assuming one day this will happen.

But in the meantime, I still am a blank slate with only the purest, analytical understandings of true love. And when people come to me with their stories and problems dealing with their OTL (one true love) I have problems understanding and sympathizing. I give lots of great relationship advice that makes perfect sense to me. They're a jerkface? Drop them. They're far away? Move there, deal with it, or drop them. They love someone else that's not you? Screw that, drop them and find someone to love you and then love them. In like with someone that loves you? Drop them, you won't grow to love them.

Eh. My advice is probably skewed and lacking in complete romantic OTL sensibility. I'm far too logical, black and white, yes or no with regards to OTLs and how to deal with the inevitable, numerous situations and problems that arise. These answers all make perfect sense to me and yet I'm learning that people in actual deep true love really can't function this way. It's not all black and white and yes or no.

Well, damn.

Sorry folks.

I know how or can figure out how to get around any major city within 2 hours.

I can find almost any random fact on the internet regarding just about anything.

I am not scared of anything in real life except actual murderers and rollercoasters.

I can offer advice on what camera to buy, what websites to use, what book to read, which fund to invest in, what music to listen to, and what shoes would go great with that outfit.

But helping you out with dealing with all the drama around your OTL, your pain and heartache and infinite longing. Um. I'm probably not the best resource. I have no experience here. It's not something you can read a book about or google on the internet. I think its completely and deeply personal. And I've never felt it, so I don't know how to help. I'm blank here. I can offer ancedotes and dumb jokes, but I think that's it for right now.

I'm sorry.

Maybe this is the area where I really need someone to help me. It's something I definitely cannot figure out on my own. I've tried.

musings of a singleton

I want a guy to go with me to an indie rock concert not only because he likes me, but also because he loves the band. I need a boy who likes hiking and laying in the grass. The perfect guy will be the one to ask me to go to basketball games and art shows and hip-hop clubs because they’re his thing and he knows I’ll enjoy it. I want a boy who reccomends good books to read and appreciates the lit I can throw in his direction.

I think its mildly easy to find a boyfriend who will accompany you to events and tolerate the things you like, even feigning interest by asking questions from time to time. But I don’t want someone to tolerate my interests, I need someone who shares them. We don’t need to be twins and love all the same things. But in my dream relationship we’d have a lot of overlap.

There's a lot more thought behind this post, but I'll just give you this for now… and I'll add links later.

I'm one of the pickiest people alive when it comes to finding a mate. And yet, the ones I pick for myself seem to be the worst. Whatever. I like writing out all the criteria I'm looking for in a man, as if it's a checklist I can use on my next night out. Oh, if only it was all so easy as filling out a form and having the perfect man be returned to you on a plate. Alas, the world does not yet have that technology. Actually, match.com probably has the process locked down, its just the narrowness of my search that is preventing this from actually working. That and my individual weirdness which would prevent me from matching someone, per se. Probs, since I haven't tried match, I'm guessing here...

So, with regards to my various 'man requirement' lists, height, personality, and of course- always important to me – interests are included. Looks are never high on my list because I have weird taste and it varies so much (black/white/brown – skinny/normal/fit – rocker/baller/nerd, etc). Basically the only standard aspect of looks is moderately tall (5'10" +), not overly muscular, more thin than fat, and not ugly. And my definition of ugly is probably different than other people's.

So anyways, on to today's list. These are all things that I myself love and think are interesting/attractive/awesome enough that any decent man should also love. -->

My ideal guy must like at least 15 of the following 20 things:

1. Amelie or Trainspotting (overplayed flicks I love)
2. Basketball (watch or play)
3. Good Beer (i.e. not budlight)
4. Converse or Vans (canvas sneaks)
5. Dude Ranch or Dookie or Morning Glory (influential albums from my youth)
6. English Humor (it's particular)
7. Gandhi (from India or clone high)
8. Graffiti (aka Streetart)
9. Interpol (wardrobe and their beats)
10. Jean-Paul Sartre (philosophy killa)
11. Kanye West (persona and his raps)
12. Lion King (circle of life)
13. Mother Teresa (if you don't, you're evil)
14. Meat (like, from cows)
15. Michael Jackson (he is the king of pop)
16. Nick Hornby or Dave Eggers (their books)
17. Ray Charles (the man, the myth, the legend)
18. Signs or Boondock Saints (religious flicks)
19. Stand by me or The Sandlot (band of bros movies)
20. Tamales or Big Red (tex-mex goodness)

"the game"

the other night, before i passed out at like 930, i was clicking through the telly and happened upon this whack show that i've seen before called the game. its basically about american football W.A.G.s (wives and girlfriends) .in the 5 min i saw this episode, the blonde chick from sweetvalleyhigh told her hubby (hot guy from some cop show) that she married him for his money and then stayed with him for years cos she felt bad about it.

it was one of the meanest things ever, on this dumb sitcom show. the hot hubby stormed out of the room and i promptly got disinterested and fell asleep.

unfortch, i totally know couples who are like this. 'the game' isnt really the football bit, its all the stupid relationship bits. it happens to obscenely (and even moderately) rich/famous boys and girls all the time. people attach themselves out of self-interest rather than something legitimate like love and attraction. of course the rich kids aren't always completely oblivious in this game. often they pick their counterparts based on some other superficial thing like looks or connections.

so its a wagering balance, this game. i bring this to the table and you bring that. hmmm.

i don't like that game. i don't ever want to play that way. i want to play the true love game. ah, yes- ever the romantic.

p.s. kelsey grammer is the exec producer on this show. random. but props dude. for making me think real deep for about 15 min.